When God Made Me Wait

"I know not by what methods rare, 

But this I know God answers prayer.

I know that He has given His Word,

Which tells me prayer is always heard.

And will be answered, soon or late.

And so I pray and calmly wait.

I know not if the blessings sought,

Will come in just the way I thought;

But I leave my prayers with Him alone,

Whose will is wiser than my own,

Assured that He will grant my quest,

   or send an answer far more blessed."

{Eliza M. Hickok}

This is the experience I had when Heavenly Father reminded me that He hears my prayers, He knows me, and sometimes He makes me wait.

My Story 
(If you already know the whole story, you can skip to the bottom to find out What I Learned)

At the end of August 2015 and the beginning of fall semester, my class started talking about the process of applying for internships. I am a music therapy student and it is required to complete a 1040 hour internship before officially graduating. At this point I hadn't realized that this was going to be a time in my life that I was going to have to make some big decisions. I started considering where I would like to go do my internship and the first place that came to my mind and heart was Seattle. I lived there for a summer and had amazing experiences and learned about myself and my heart just was overwhelmed with the idea of Seattle.

I got on the music therapy website to search for internships in Seattle and there was only one- the population I was least interested in. I was pretty disappointed, but figured I'd find something else and continued my search elsewhere. Eventually I discovered an internship in Portland that allowed the intern to have a taste of several different populations. I thought "Portland is close enough to Seattle, maybe I should just think West Coast." I applied, I interviewed, and I worked really hard. I was super stoked about the idea of living in Portland. When I got the e-mail that told me they were going a different route I was heartbroken. I felt like it was so right. I felt paralyzed and didn't even want to try to apply anywhere else. Eventually I realized that I'd made it too far to give up now. So I continued to apply. All I knew was I wanted an out of state experience so I applied to Iowa, Tennessee, Ohio, and North Carolina. When Iowa, Tennessee, and Ohio didn't even offer me an interview I was so frustrated! "Why is nothing working out?" I would panic more often than I would like to admit and I would question if I was even supposed to do music therapy and go this direction with my life. Which is a really scary thought to have after so much schooling. Even when all of this was going on I still couldn't help but wonder if I should be in Seattle.

Eventually North Carolina contacted me and wanted to interview me. This internship was at a hospital, which sounded so amazing to me and like such a great experience! Between when North Carolina scheduled the interview and the actual interview, I received an e-mail from a lady looking for music therapy student volunteers to get some experience for the summer. When I saw that this experience was in the Seattle area I freaked out! I wondered if they were interested in having an intern, so I promptly e-mailed her to ask. Lo and behold, they were an internship site! I started the application process, but was really busy with school to keep on top of all the applications I had sent out. I interviewed with North Carolina and for some reason it felt a little bit off. When she told me she would let me know in a month, I knew it was the time to really pursue the Seattle internship.

For some reason it was almost impossible to get an interview set up with Seattle. I started to panic *as I often do*. Well, time went on, I still didn't have an interview set up for Seattle and I got an e-mail from North Carolina offering me the internship there. I became super confused because I told myself I would always take the first internship that was offered me.  But the interview was so weird I didn't know if that was right. The lady from NC requested that I make a decision within two weeks- the only problem was I was leaving on a cruise so I had even less time to make a decision and I still hadn't interviewed with Seattle. I didn't know if Seattle would offer me the internship if I turned this NC one down and it would really be a shame to turn down one internship without the guarantee of another one. So I studied it out, thought about the questions I still had, and called the internship director of NC to get these questions and concerns cleared up. After the phone call with her I felt such a great peace and felt like it was the right decision to press forward in accepting the internship in North Carolina. I can even confidently say that I felt a confirmation that I should go to North Carolina. Well, I was about to ask my professor what to say to accept an internship, when I got an e-mail that made my heart drop. My professor had written me to tell me there was a law in place in North Carolina that required "State Authorization" between North Carolina and another state. If this authorization was not in place, there would be a $6,500 fee and I would have to wait 14-18 months to begin my internship. I knew this was insurmountable and must turn down the internship. I felt a brief moment of confusion, quickly followed by a reminder that sometimes at a fork of a road Heavenly Father gives us a confirmation that the dead end road is the correct road. He does this to let us know that we can press forward down the other path with complete confidence. I turned down the internship in North Carolina, praying that I would get offered the internship in Seattle.

A few weeks later I was finally able to get an interview set up with Seattle. We did it via skype and I cannot tell you how well it went. I felt so comfortable speaking to these women and felt like I could be myself. They really seemed to enjoy the interview and even verbalized to me that they loved me and were very impressed. I was so astounded that they could like me! They told me they would let me know "very soon." The next day I got an e-mail offering me the internship. I was so relieved! I was so excited! I knew immediately it was the right path to go down.

What I Learned

The whole reason I share this story is because sometimes God make you wait. My classmates were getting internships left and right and I was wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn't get an internship. But He was trying to build my faith. There is an amazing article that has inspired and brought hope to me that I'll quote. After this experience I've learned:

"God could have answered {my} prayers and met {my} needs...much quicker, but He didn’t.

"He made {me} wait instead.

"He makes us wait to fulfill His call in our lives after He puts the desire and passion in our hearts to serve Him in a certain way.

"He makes us wait to give us the desires of our hearts, whether it’s a baby, a spouse, or a new job.

"He makes us wait for direction when we are stuck at a dead end and we don’t know where to go or what to do.

"He could answer that same prayer that you’ve been praying for years every night in a millisecond.

"That same prayer that has been bringing you to tears.

"That same prayer that the longer that it goes unanswered, the more it makes you question whether He even hears.

"He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years.

"Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years.

"Abraham without a child for 100 years.

"David on the run for 15 years.

"And maybe He is keeping you right where you’re at for the same reason He kept these men for so many years: to build your faith

"To build your faith in a dungeon cell, during the valley in your life where it’s too dark to see and too hard to believe.

"To build your dependence on Him when you are barren and empty to see if He is truly all you desire and all you need.

"To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are still stuck.

"To build your trust in Him when the storm keeps raging, the battle keeps going and breakthrough and victory doesn’t seem near.

"What are you waiting for today?

"What longing do you have that seems so far from ever being fulfilled?

"What prayer do you keep on praying that seems to never reach God’s ears?

"I want to remind you that God is not deaf to your prayers.

"He is not blind to your constant tears, to your desires, and to your needs.

"IF He is making you wait, there is a very good reason for it.

"If He is telling you “no” today, maybe it’s because He has a better “yes” waiting for you tomorrow.

"If He is keeping you in the same place you’ve always been today, maybe it’s because He’s helping build your faith before you enter your Promised Land tomorrow.

"Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.

"Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.

"Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ.

"Don’t allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring.

"Instead, let it build your faith and give you even greater hope for what God has prepared for you.

"He made some of the greatest men of faith wait.

"Don’t be discouraged if He makes you wait as well.

"He will come through for you, just like He came through for them.
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” – Psalm 27:14"

*********************************************************************************

I know the Lord made me wait to build my faith in Him. He has heard my prayers time and time again and I know He still hears them. I must hold onto Him with unwavering faith. I must remind myself of all the times He has already come through for me. The amazing thing is, He knows the desires of my heart. He knows your deepest desires too. But He may make you wait. And for that I am forever grateful.

I made this mandala for my music therapy class

September 7th, 2015.

It is titled "Heart In Seattle"

Isn't that crazy?

Piece of Heaven

The summer is a great time to learn about yourself. Well, anytime is really, but I have loved taking advantage of the good weather and walking all around. Walking is a great time to clear my mind, think about the things that have gone on during the day, and especially ponder my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Today was no different. I live very close to the temple this summer and I am trying to take advantage of that while I can by walking there almost every day. The temple is a place where I can reflect on what is going on in my life and try to figure out how to come closer to my Father in Heaven and Savior. I'm going to be vulnerable here in saying that lately I have felt distant from Heavenly Father. I haven't been praying much because I feel like I don't have anything to say. When I kneel down at night my prayers have been insincere and sound like this, "Sorry... I don't know what to say. Goodnight." and then I lay in bed not being able to fall asleep because I am racking my brain of what I really should say to Him and how He deserves so much better than I'm giving Him. When my prayers are like this I am more "prone to wander" and I fall and do things that disappoint my Heavenly Father. I feel like have been removing myself from Him and have told myself He doesn't want to hear from me. "I'm too far gone" Those of you that know me may be shocked to hear I have felt this way. But I have, and my feelings were deep, real, and heartbreaking.

Well, tonight I planned my walk to the temple and I decided I'd be there to say a quick prayer and be on my way. As I walked, I was listening to some hymns and I decided to sit on the grass looking up at the glorious House of God. I sat there listening, when I heard a faint, but desperate sounding mew. I paused my music to see if I was imagining it, but the little mew continued. It was the most sad and most scared sounding noise I've ever heard from a cat. I followed the noise and saw a teeny tiny kitten on the inside of the temple grounds. Because it is Monday, the gates aren't open and the poor thing was terrified, hurting, completely lost, and unreachable.

I started calling her and rustling leaves to get her to come closer. I wanted to help her find her home. When she would get close to me and not know what I was doing, she would panic and run away. I didn't want to give up on her. I kept clicking my tongue, moving plants to get her hunter instinct going and get her to come closer to me, meowing at her, doing everything I could to get her close enough to help her. There was one point where she was close enough to catch her, but my hand spooked her and she ran away. I was there trying to retrieve her for almost an hour. It's when I said to her, "Come to me, kitty!" that I stopped dead in my tracks and noticed the magnificent building in front of me. I had an overwhelming feeling that this situation was exactly how Heavenly Father was feeling towards me.

At times I feel lost, terrified, hurt, and like my Heavenly Father's love can't reach me. I cry out for help, but I won't actually let Him help me. I feel desperate and don't know where to go. Things in my life lead me to where I am supposed to be, but I get spooked and don't trust the hand that is only trying to help me. But even when I run away or do something that is only hurting me, He is still right there- trying to get me to come to Him and to trust in Him. He will always be right there, squatting next to me, loving me, encouraging me, helping me realize there are others that love me and want me with them. But it's all up to me. I have to get close enough to Him for Him to be able to lift me, carry me, and take me somewhere safe. Although there are times I turn away from Him, His hand is stretched out still. (2 Nephi 19:21)

Eventually the little sweetie did get close enough for me to help her. I reached out, picked her up, and brought her home. But being a college student I won't be able to keep her because of strict no pet rules in apartment complexes. I'm trying to find her home so that she can get back to the people that are missing her. I've heard you aren't supposed to name animals that you're not going to keep so you don't get attached, but I can't keep myself from calling her Angel.

Where's the RM Advice?

I can't believe I've been home from my mission for a year (I'm revising this now and I've been home TWO years). I've noticed before people go on missions they are not shy about asking for advice and what they should do to prepare before they leave...but I personally have never heard of anyone ask for advice when they come home. I think that recently returned missionaries need guidance on what to do when they come home- because coming home and being a completely new and improved person can be as scary as going to a completely unfamiliar place before the mission. Lots of my friends have come home recently or are about to come home, so I feel that now is a good time to share this letter with you recently (and not so recently) returned missionaries:

Welcome home! I know how heartbreaking it is to leave behind the people you’ve come to love so much and the place you’re finally starting to figure out and their culture and needs. I’m not writing you to make you feel discouraged, but to encourage you! But in all honesty, coming home is extremely hard if you don’t have anyone to relate with, but guess what? I have been home awhile and know how it is! I know exactly how you feel- desperately not wanting this part of your life to end, but excited to see what the future holds, and unsure how you’re going to apply the new you into your old life. I’m still trying to figure out a lot of things for myself, but I’m here to give you advice on what I’ve learned so far: 

1) When I got home, I wasn’t giving 100% of my time to the Lord and I felt so guilty about it. Unfortunately that isn’t our purpose anymore, but fortunately the Lord knows that. When you were a missionary, your purpose was to 

"invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end." 

You just spent a good chunk of your existence teaching people that God has a plan for their lives. The same is true for YOU! You may feel lost or confused as to what that plan is now because it isn't clearly laid out in a Returned Missionary Manuel, but Heavenly Father is waiting with outstretched arms to disclose this new plan for you. Fast and pray to find a new purpose for yourself. All you need to do is "Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." The Lord knows your heart and He is yearning for you to come to Him and to teach you about your next step in life. He will reveal it to you! General Conference is coming up- that would be a VERY good time for him to reveal it to you. Be prepared to receive that from Him.

2) It’s okay to rest! 

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." (Mosiah 4:27 )

When I first got back and didn’t have every second of the day planned, I felt guilty for sitting on the couch. But it really is okay to take a few minutes and to do nothing. That is very hard for the missionary mind to accept, but you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Don't idle away your time, but don't feel bad about taking a much needed break! I’ve learned that is the tool Satan uses on us RM’s- guilt and shame. Godly sorrow is good- guilt and shame… not so much.

3) Don't let peer pressure make you back down on your standards. People will tell you that you're awkward, need to loosen up and become "normal again". One time I went to a dance on campus and there were some things going on that I didn't necissarily agree with. There was fake gambling, fake tattoos, people drinking energy drinks and pretending like it was beer, dirty dancing, an oxygen bar that was supposed to simulate getting high. While I know that those things weren't exactly wrong, they were too close to the line for my liking and I couldn't back down on what I felt was right. Some of my pre-mission friends began mocking me because I didn't want to participate. They told me I was "still awkward" and "still in missionary mode." But I learned for myself that day that true peace and happiness comes from pleasing the Lord, not others.  
 

4) Please please please do not forget the Lord. I know that sounds ridiculously impossible after the amazing experiences you’ve had, but unfortunately Satan comes after you very strongly. Remember what it was like to turn to the Lord first thing after everything you did? After getting a new appointment- you said a silent prayer of thanks in your heart. Realizing you’re in an unsafe situation and you need to get out of it? You say a prayer pleading for safety, and the moment you are safe you pour out your heart in gratitude that the Lord protected you. When you don’t know what to say to help ease the pain of someone’s broken heart? You said a quick prayer to know what the Lord would want you to say. Would it not be great to continue that pattern of prayer after the mission? 

Satan  tries to make you feel like a failure for your mistakes. He makes you think “I’m an RM, I shouldn’t be doing this!” and worst of all he’ll make you think “I suck. I'm worthless. Why do I try anymore?” Remember, you will make mistakes, which is not fun, but remember the atonement is there for you as much as it is for your investigators. A few of my favorite verses in the Book of Mormon are in 2 Nephi 26:24-28 and part of verse 33:

 24 He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation.

 25 Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.

 26 Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay.

 27 Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance.

 28 Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.

33 ...He inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.

Use these feelings of godly sorrow to propel you forward instead of paralyze you. When I make a mistake, I try to ask myself "What would I say to Robert in this situation?" The answer is always “I would encourage him to keep going, the Lord loves him, and that because of the atonement, he can repent.” The same goes for us too, when we make mistakes. Just because we’re RM’s now, doesn’t mean we are suddenly super human and will be perfect from now on. And Heavenly Father knows that and has infinite patience with us. 

5) When you come back, you start to wonder if the work you did is acceptable to the Lord, if you could have done more, or if you made a difference. The Lord led me to read Alma 26:1-7 on the plane ride home. It brought peace to my heart and I knew all the people that I loved so much were in the Lord's hand and I didn't have to worry.

 1 And now, these are the words of Ammon to his brethren, which say thus: My brothers and my brethren, behold I say unto you, how great reason have we to rejoice; for could we have supposed when we started from the land of Zarahemla that God would have granted unto us such great blessings?

 2 And now, I ask, what great blessings has he bestowed upon us? Can ye tell?

 3 Behold, I answer for you; for our brethren, the Lamanites, were in darkness, yea, even in the darkest abyss, but behold, how many of them are brought to behold the marvelous light of God! And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us, that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work.

 4 Behold, thousands of them do rejoice, and have been brought into the fold of God.

 5 Behold, the field was ripe, and blessed are ye, for ye did thrust in the sickle, and did reap with your might, yea, all the day long did ye labor; and behold the number of your sheaves! And they shall be gathered into the garners, that they are not wasted.

 6 Yea, they shall not be beaten down by the storm at the last day; yea, neither shall they be harrowed up by the whirlwinds; but when the storm cometh they shall be gathered together in their place, that the storm cannot penetrate to them; yea, neither shall they be driven with fierce winds whithersoever the enemy listeth to carry them.

 7 But behold, they are in the hands of the Lord of the harvest, and they are his; and he will raise them up at the last day.

I'm glad you're back and am positive that you will continue to be an instrument in the Lord's hands here. I promise the Lord still has plenty of work for you to do and that He is grateful for your service as a missionary.  

Sincerely, Trisha

Maybe I'm Counting Down....

This time of year is great because there is so much to look forward to especially for this girl. My little brother is coming home and I am sooooooooo excited (I won't tell him that though. I hated hearing people say they're so excited for me to come home because I wasn't excited to come home.) But here I am doing the same thing to a missionary. So I'm counting down, but I'm counting down in increments so it comes faster.


11 days til Bailee's birthday.

16 days til Jeff's birthday. 

20 days til Thanksgiving.

 

35 days til finals are over.

40 days til the year mark of coming home from Germany.

 47 days til Christmas.

 54 days til 2014.

59 days til Spring Semester starts.

81 days til THIS CAN HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!!!!

But for now I'll concentrate on counting down til Bailee's birthday, after that Jeff's birthday, after that Thanksgiving and so on and so forth so that 81 days comes quicker!!! Sorry for counting, Jeff- it's just kinda been awhile since I've seen you! I LOVE YOU!!

Scavenging Scallywags

Today I made a picture scavenger hunt for my cousins and I think it was quite successful! I would write a little rhyme and the kids would have to fill in the blank. This is how it went down:

 "We'll start with this clue

we don't want it to be dark

or we won't be able to find 

a party in a ______."

Park!! Yes... we did crash someone's party at a park.

"If you're able to do this

I'll say to you 'brava'

when you get a picture 

playing 'The Ground is _____"

 Lava

 "Just tell me-

how do you think it'd be

to be 3 little monkies

sitting in a ____"

Tree!!

"This should be fun

though maybe not smart

to push ya'll around

in a shopping _____"

Cart!

"I'll ask you a question

just tell me how

you're gonna get a pic

of you petting a ______"

COW!! (We couldn't find cows so we just settled for goats.)

"Here's an opportunity 

 you don't want to miss

 and that would be

give a mannequin a ____"

 Kiss!!

Hehehe...

"Let's be serious

now that we've had some fun

some people are sad

give flowers to _______."

Someone! (This was probably the highlight of the day) We just stopped by an assisted living center and asked if we could give flowers to someone that was lonely. It was so fun!

"Thank you guys

for being so nice.

I think you deserve

some African ____"

Ice!!! They were so excited about this part.

"Let's go out with a splash

I think it'd be cool

to keep our clothes on

and jump in a _____"

Pool!

 Haha oh it was so great! We didn't even get to do all of the clues I made because it took so long to do (5 hours). It was a great way to pass the day and I think the kids really enjoyed themselves too!

(Here are the other clues that we didn't get to)

"This might be fun

this might be naughty

all 3 of you hide

in a port-a-potty."

"For this next clue,

don't be a 'fradie

take a picture with

a statue of a lady."

"I'm pretty sure

you'll be all grins

if you find a set

of identical twins."

"For this clue

be faster than a speeding bullet

it might be embarrassing

taking a picture with a mullet."

If the rest of this week goes like today, this week will fly by! Hooray for a good day! One of the kids has been kind of poop-ish and rude, being all excited for me to leave. This is what I have to say to that:
"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my walk
You're gonna miss me making tacos
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone."

Cuz really.... how lucky are they to have me for a nanny?