When God Made Me Wait

"I know not by what methods rare, 

But this I know God answers prayer.

I know that He has given His Word,

Which tells me prayer is always heard.

And will be answered, soon or late.

And so I pray and calmly wait.

I know not if the blessings sought,

Will come in just the way I thought;

But I leave my prayers with Him alone,

Whose will is wiser than my own,

Assured that He will grant my quest,

   or send an answer far more blessed."

{Eliza M. Hickok}

This is the experience I had when Heavenly Father reminded me that He hears my prayers, He knows me, and sometimes He makes me wait.

My Story 
(If you already know the whole story, you can skip to the bottom to find out What I Learned)

At the end of August 2015 and the beginning of fall semester, my class started talking about the process of applying for internships. I am a music therapy student and it is required to complete a 1040 hour internship before officially graduating. At this point I hadn't realized that this was going to be a time in my life that I was going to have to make some big decisions. I started considering where I would like to go do my internship and the first place that came to my mind and heart was Seattle. I lived there for a summer and had amazing experiences and learned about myself and my heart just was overwhelmed with the idea of Seattle.

I got on the music therapy website to search for internships in Seattle and there was only one- the population I was least interested in. I was pretty disappointed, but figured I'd find something else and continued my search elsewhere. Eventually I discovered an internship in Portland that allowed the intern to have a taste of several different populations. I thought "Portland is close enough to Seattle, maybe I should just think West Coast." I applied, I interviewed, and I worked really hard. I was super stoked about the idea of living in Portland. When I got the e-mail that told me they were going a different route I was heartbroken. I felt like it was so right. I felt paralyzed and didn't even want to try to apply anywhere else. Eventually I realized that I'd made it too far to give up now. So I continued to apply. All I knew was I wanted an out of state experience so I applied to Iowa, Tennessee, Ohio, and North Carolina. When Iowa, Tennessee, and Ohio didn't even offer me an interview I was so frustrated! "Why is nothing working out?" I would panic more often than I would like to admit and I would question if I was even supposed to do music therapy and go this direction with my life. Which is a really scary thought to have after so much schooling. Even when all of this was going on I still couldn't help but wonder if I should be in Seattle.

Eventually North Carolina contacted me and wanted to interview me. This internship was at a hospital, which sounded so amazing to me and like such a great experience! Between when North Carolina scheduled the interview and the actual interview, I received an e-mail from a lady looking for music therapy student volunteers to get some experience for the summer. When I saw that this experience was in the Seattle area I freaked out! I wondered if they were interested in having an intern, so I promptly e-mailed her to ask. Lo and behold, they were an internship site! I started the application process, but was really busy with school to keep on top of all the applications I had sent out. I interviewed with North Carolina and for some reason it felt a little bit off. When she told me she would let me know in a month, I knew it was the time to really pursue the Seattle internship.

For some reason it was almost impossible to get an interview set up with Seattle. I started to panic *as I often do*. Well, time went on, I still didn't have an interview set up for Seattle and I got an e-mail from North Carolina offering me the internship there. I became super confused because I told myself I would always take the first internship that was offered me.  But the interview was so weird I didn't know if that was right. The lady from NC requested that I make a decision within two weeks- the only problem was I was leaving on a cruise so I had even less time to make a decision and I still hadn't interviewed with Seattle. I didn't know if Seattle would offer me the internship if I turned this NC one down and it would really be a shame to turn down one internship without the guarantee of another one. So I studied it out, thought about the questions I still had, and called the internship director of NC to get these questions and concerns cleared up. After the phone call with her I felt such a great peace and felt like it was the right decision to press forward in accepting the internship in North Carolina. I can even confidently say that I felt a confirmation that I should go to North Carolina. Well, I was about to ask my professor what to say to accept an internship, when I got an e-mail that made my heart drop. My professor had written me to tell me there was a law in place in North Carolina that required "State Authorization" between North Carolina and another state. If this authorization was not in place, there would be a $6,500 fee and I would have to wait 14-18 months to begin my internship. I knew this was insurmountable and must turn down the internship. I felt a brief moment of confusion, quickly followed by a reminder that sometimes at a fork of a road Heavenly Father gives us a confirmation that the dead end road is the correct road. He does this to let us know that we can press forward down the other path with complete confidence. I turned down the internship in North Carolina, praying that I would get offered the internship in Seattle.

A few weeks later I was finally able to get an interview set up with Seattle. We did it via skype and I cannot tell you how well it went. I felt so comfortable speaking to these women and felt like I could be myself. They really seemed to enjoy the interview and even verbalized to me that they loved me and were very impressed. I was so astounded that they could like me! They told me they would let me know "very soon." The next day I got an e-mail offering me the internship. I was so relieved! I was so excited! I knew immediately it was the right path to go down.

What I Learned

The whole reason I share this story is because sometimes God make you wait. My classmates were getting internships left and right and I was wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn't get an internship. But He was trying to build my faith. There is an amazing article that has inspired and brought hope to me that I'll quote. After this experience I've learned:

"God could have answered {my} prayers and met {my} needs...much quicker, but He didn’t.

"He made {me} wait instead.

"He makes us wait to fulfill His call in our lives after He puts the desire and passion in our hearts to serve Him in a certain way.

"He makes us wait to give us the desires of our hearts, whether it’s a baby, a spouse, or a new job.

"He makes us wait for direction when we are stuck at a dead end and we don’t know where to go or what to do.

"He could answer that same prayer that you’ve been praying for years every night in a millisecond.

"That same prayer that has been bringing you to tears.

"That same prayer that the longer that it goes unanswered, the more it makes you question whether He even hears.

"He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years.

"Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years.

"Abraham without a child for 100 years.

"David on the run for 15 years.

"And maybe He is keeping you right where you’re at for the same reason He kept these men for so many years: to build your faith

"To build your faith in a dungeon cell, during the valley in your life where it’s too dark to see and too hard to believe.

"To build your dependence on Him when you are barren and empty to see if He is truly all you desire and all you need.

"To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are still stuck.

"To build your trust in Him when the storm keeps raging, the battle keeps going and breakthrough and victory doesn’t seem near.

"What are you waiting for today?

"What longing do you have that seems so far from ever being fulfilled?

"What prayer do you keep on praying that seems to never reach God’s ears?

"I want to remind you that God is not deaf to your prayers.

"He is not blind to your constant tears, to your desires, and to your needs.

"IF He is making you wait, there is a very good reason for it.

"If He is telling you “no” today, maybe it’s because He has a better “yes” waiting for you tomorrow.

"If He is keeping you in the same place you’ve always been today, maybe it’s because He’s helping build your faith before you enter your Promised Land tomorrow.

"Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.

"Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.

"Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ.

"Don’t allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring.

"Instead, let it build your faith and give you even greater hope for what God has prepared for you.

"He made some of the greatest men of faith wait.

"Don’t be discouraged if He makes you wait as well.

"He will come through for you, just like He came through for them.
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” – Psalm 27:14"

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I know the Lord made me wait to build my faith in Him. He has heard my prayers time and time again and I know He still hears them. I must hold onto Him with unwavering faith. I must remind myself of all the times He has already come through for me. The amazing thing is, He knows the desires of my heart. He knows your deepest desires too. But He may make you wait. And for that I am forever grateful.

I made this mandala for my music therapy class

September 7th, 2015.

It is titled "Heart In Seattle"

Isn't that crazy?